Thinks I’ve Heard

In a previous life I dealt with some really stupid people.

Sometimes on purpose.

Sometimes on accident.

Jaime – This is Jaime.

Lady -Yes…is this the Visitor’s Center?

Jaime – (Right then, I knew from her accent that no good could come from this conversation) No, ma’am. This is the Public Relations office of the Mayor.

Lady – Oh…I must have dialed the wrong number.

Jaime – That’s OK. Is there something I can help you with?

Lady – Yeah, OK. I was down there last summer and I bought some corn from this guy in a truck…

Jaime – (thinking) Crap. Why did I answer the phone?

Lady – …what was his name?

Jaime – Are you asking me, or trying to remember?

Lady – I’m asking you.

Jaime – I have no idea.

Lady – Well, he was in this pickup truck that was blue.

Jaime – OK.

Lady – And he was selling corn.

Jaime – Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I don’t know who that was. Our county is 612 square miles (1 square mile = 640 acres, and this county is 65 miles wide), and our population is about 75,000. The rest of that area is corn fields and farms. It is impossible for me to know who that was.

Lady – But you’re the Mayors Office.

Jaime – Yes, we are.

Lady – Is there anybody there you could ask?

Jaime – No ma’am, I’m sorry.

Lady – …

Lady – This is why people up here don’t like to come down there. Nobody knows anything.

And then she hung up on me.