Rewind to 2007:
Me: Son, eat your green beans.
Son: Nah, I don’t really feel like eating any green beans right now.
Me: Son, please eat your green beans.
Son: Dad, I told you already that I didn’t really feel like eating any green beans, and I still feel that way. You should just listen to me.
Son: You know what I said.
Me: Are you trying to get spanked? Because it sounds like you are trying to get spanked.
Son: No, I wasn’t’ trying to get spanked. I was telling you that I don’t want these green beans. They are yuck.
Me: For the last time, eat your green beans!
Me: You do want spanked, don’t you?
Son: Will I still have to eat my green beans?
Me: What? Yes.
Son: Well, I don’t think so.
Me: Well, you don’t make the decisions around here. Your mom does.
Wife: He doesn’t understand sarcasm, honey.
Me: It wasn’t sarcasm.
Wife: I only make the decisions that make your life miserable. You’re responsible for the rest. (giggle giggle giggle)
Me: You’re not helping.
Wife: You’re doing fine. He’s only 5, you know.
Me: Thanks. I appreciate your support. God bless you and the work you do.
Wife: You’re welcome. You do understand sarcasm, don’t you? Because that was sarcasm in case you didn’t know.
Me: I used to like you…
Me: Son, how about you eat those green beans and then you don’t get spanked.
Son: How about if I just unscrew your head?
Wife: (giggle giggle giggle)
Son: (giggle giggle giggle)
Other Son: Doggie!
Me: Good Grief…